TMNT

I, like most kids of my generation, I LOVED the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I am pretty sure they were my life for my formidable years before I turned double digits. I can not count how many action figures I owned. I remember bragging with kids in school about how many times I had seen the original turtles movie in the theater, I think I said 5 and some kid bested me with 8 but these were totally untrue and just young kids exaggerating for effect. Then after the 3rd movie came out, even I remember that one being bad, the Turtles were pretty much done as a part of my life. The only exposure I had to them since was a few years ago at the Cottonwood house. It was 2am and a party had just died and I remember stumbling across the DVD of the first movie, putting it in and enjoying it throughly before I fell asleep about half way through. So what does all this senseless backstory mean? When I heard they were making a new one, almost 15 years since the last one came out, I decided I had to go see it. I owed it to my past self. If I did not see it and you traveled back in time and told the 8 year old version of me that I chose not to see a turtles movie he would be pissed! He might cut off his finger just to spite me now (damn crafty past Aaron!). So I saw it and now I must review it:

The movie takes place after the originals way back in the early 90s. Shredder is dead (many will be disappointed he does not appear in this movie) and the turtles have basically packed it in. Splinter sent Leonardo to train in Central America, but he has been gone for three years. While he has been gone Splinter has forbidden any surface fighting activity by the turtles. So they spend their time in different ways: Michaelangelo works kid's birthday parties, Donatello works as an IT phone help guy and Splinter watches soap operas. Raphael secretly moonlights as a crime fighting vigilantly. Yes these turtles world has changed, they don't really feel whole anymore. There is a scene were Raphael and Casey Jones (yeah he is back) reminisce about the old days. After a chance meeting with April in Central America, Leonardo decides to come back and is immediately at odds with Raphael (of course) who resents him because he left. Most of the movie focuses on their conflict but then gives way to the main story line. They must fight a bunch of ancient immortal stone generals who are trying to take over the world, you know classic Saturday morning cartoon stuff. The Climactic scenes were okay, but the rest of the movie was what I liked the most. Watching the turtles shake off their rust and slowly return to what we used to know them as. The movie has your same classic jokes, that may seem tired and worn to some but I would have been disappointed if they tried to change anything (they are very, very true to the classic characters you all remember).

The movie has an Incredibles feel to it in animation and humor. I was surprised to say I found myself laughing out loud a few times at the classic turtles shtick. I honestly did not think "throughly enjoyed it" were the words I was going to use to describe this movie. Then again the entire time I watched it I could not help but feel like past Aaron, there was no way he was NOT going to let me like this movie.
Grade: B+

Pure Awesomeness

I have resorted to posting youtube clips lately but hey for good reason. Consider this guy a lock to win my best character award in my TV awards blog this year as well as the sole reason I am going to buy a suit. Suit Up!

Hooch is Crazy!

An ode to the greatest minor character in TV show history. Is it a blessing or curse that he only appeared on three episodes?

300

I finally ended my movie embargo this weekend (first movie seen in the theater since Rocky Balboa) with a viewing of Frank Miller's 300. It seemed like a good choice, by the guy who created Sin City, about Spartan Warriors and lots of non stop action.

300 is about, you guessed it, 300 Spartan warriors who fight to fend off an attack from a much larger Persian army (historic estimates have it at about 300,000). The story follows King Leonadis' 300 men in non stop action. They slice and dice the enemies for two straight hours, only taking breaks for an uninteresting side story and to make wise cracks. The fighting is pretty awesome and really cool, but at some point it gives away to being kind of cheesy. In one scene an oncoming Persian Rhino is baring down on a Spartan solider with a spear. The solider throws the spear, kills the rhino that happens to come to a sliding halt with it's horns just inches away from the Spartan warrior. It was totally predictable, and would be cool if there were not already 20 other scenes like that. Yeah these Spartans are good, but no one is that good. We are also treated to a back story of Leonadis' wife, the Queen, pleading with the senate to send the Spartan army to his aide. The only reason this story, which never gets resolved, seems to be in the movie is to serve as a break in between action scenes. I think a better option would have been having a intermission screen, giving viewers time to go to the bathroom and get more popcorn.

Overall the movie is entertaining, it is two hours long but does not drag (except for the Queen scenes). The fighting starts soon, and the Persian army sends a bunch of cool looking bad guys the Spartans way. If you are in the mood for two hours of bashing, slashing, machismo then this is for you. This one is probably not for the girls.

Grade: B

I Love College Life

From time to time I like to hit you all with a random story from a random night. Last night, for example, I went to a random party. Well I feel a few things that happened last night needs documentation and since I rarely get a chance to post on this blog this is the best you are gonna get for a while! Last night J to the, Pro and I went to some random party (it was someone Pro knew but for all intent and purposes it was random). I ended up knowing a few people there but that is not relevant to the story. Basically the night can be broken down into three awesome stories:

• At the party was a video game called Guitar Hero. It is pretty popular, for those who don't know the controllers are guitars and you actually "play" to the music by pressing corresponding buttons on the guitar and what not. The game is a favorite of Detroit Tigers pitcher Joel Zumaya. So I decided to give the game a try, jamming out to "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns and Roses. After a horrible start because I had no fucking clue what I was doing, I came on strong. So strong in fact I broke the game. The game froze. I said it was because I was so damn good, J to the claimed it was because "I was horrible" (actually it was because the game glitches on Sweet Child of Mine). Shortly after that some random girl arrived, championing her Guitar Hero skills developed from playing it at a Wal Mart one day. I naturally told her I would destroy her heads up (there is a heads up feature in the game) and I proceeded to. At one point I guess I accidentally paused the game during a key moment in her guitar rifting, in which she called me a cheater for pressing the start button. To which I replied "I didn't know guitars had start buttons." Good times. Either way I dominated her the first song, she then demanded a rematch. I chose "Freebird" forgetting the song is about 9 hours long. After a marathon session in which I beat her by about 20,000 points (a major ass kicking) I dropped the guitar and said "I told you once you son of a gun, I'm the best there ever was" (that was quoting Charlie Daniels in 'The Devil Goes Down to Georgia, and I actually didn't say that. Sadly I am not that awesome).
• Story number two of the night comes a few hours later when we are trying to figure out how we are going to get a ride home. Pro keeps promising to find us a ride, but in fact he is just bullshitting us and totally planning on passing out at the house. J to the steals an energy drink from fridge and says "I'll pound this energy drink, and then I'll walk home" (we are about 4 miles away from our house and its about 45 degrees outside, that ain't happening.) Shortly after this I get a phone call from the Large and I think to myself "maybe the Large can give us a ride home." However he is in Tuscon, super hammered and just keeps repeating "chea, chea chea, chea" before hanging up. There went that plan. Don't worry we got home safe and sound.
• When we finally got home and woofed down some random Mexican food we picked up on the way home, Pro suddenly darts outside onto the back patio. J to the and I both assume he is puking. When comes back in I ask him if he puked, but Pro responds "no, I was just recalibrating". What does this mean? We have no idea. We don't believe him. Pro repeats, "I didn't puke, I was just recalibrating." To which J to the responds, "Are you a fucking joystick?" Maybe the greatest response to anything ever. When I asked Pro about this today, he had no recollection of this conversation (actually his exact words were, WTF is recalibrating)

Those three stories made it one hell of a night. I knew there was a reason I stayed in college.

Enough With Health Foods!

I was walking across campus today accompanied by the sounds of my stomach rumbling and decide to stop and get some lunch, sadly my lunch was a bag of Ruffles I got out of the vending machine. On the bag was a label that proudly read: "made with 100% real sunflower juice". What the hell does that mean? Even worse this kind of stuff is everywhere! Countless snack foods are littered with the phrase "0 grams Trans fat". Of course look at the nutrition facts on these foods and they still have high amounts of fat and cholesterol, but hey there is no Trans fat! It does not matter what you eat today anyway, everything is bad. Unless you grow it and cook it organically without any flavor the food you are eating is probably bad for you, or so it seems. I go by the simple slogan, the less taste the healthier it is. What about Michelob Ultra? Apparently it is a low carb beer that people think they can binge drink on and not get a beer gut. Do not get me started on carbs, my rant would grow to long. I blame all of this stuff on Subway. Subway started running adds (earlier this century) about how much healthier they were then some stores. They said they were much healthier than McDonalds, then proceeded to prove their point by matching up their healthiest sub (some no taste sub with no cheese or any goodies on it) to McDonald's most unhealthy menu item, the Big Mac. Never mind McDonalds has a number of menu items comparable to Subway's taste free healthy sub, but Subway also has a number of menu items comparable to McDonalds cholesterol filled Big Mac. But McDonalds is the bad guy? I just miss when someone used to tell me what to eat and made all my meals, that was an easier day. I did not make any decisions. In fact I want that back, I think I am going to hire a cook. Anyone out there want to work for low wages making me food every day?

Fiesta Bowl

When you get the pleasure of watching unbelievable fantastic games like the Fiesta Bowl was tonight, well you just realize why you spend all that time following sports, watching sports and living and dying sports. Tonight’s game was it; this is what we live for. That game is the justification of why us sports nuts do what we do. I was rooting for Boise State because they were the underdog and I think they are actually a pretty darn good football team. I think people might say Bob Stoops didn’t have his team ready to play but I think Boise State was just that good. Maybe Oklahoma had more talent but when you get guys that match your system perfectly, well that is better than having superior talent. All I know was Oklahoma was playing their asses off at the end of the game. I also know that Boise should have won it running away, up 28-10 in the 2nd half. Those last few minutes well let me just say:
I didn’t think Paul Johnson had what it took to lead OU down the field like so give him credit for picking apart the Boise defense that seemed really tired. Another thing that will be forgotten was the three two point conversion attempts. The first one failing but OU getting another chance because of a Boise State penalty, then the second one succeeding but waived off due to that OU penalty and then the third one succeeding. That was just awesome drama alone right there. I felt crushed for Boise State after the interception return, which would have been a horrible way to go out. As for the insane hook and later play that tied the game, well let’s just say that might have been the most awesome play I had ever seen at the time and I didn’t expect to not even be the best play of the game when it was all said and done. What is going to get lost in the shuffle was the awesome 25 yard TD run by Adrian Peterson on the first play of OT to put the Sooners up. Then Boise tries to come back with what looked to be a flea flicker before the play got busted up. My head was spinning when I saw QB Jared Zabransky go into motion on what was then the most critical play in the history of Boise state football yet they still score the TD with their stud QB lining up in the slot. Bottom line was the statue of liberty play they ran to win the game was the coolest designed play I have ever seen in college football. Simply amazing and to top it off Ian Johnson gets engaged during the post game interview. That, my friends, is a textbook Hollywood ending. Will someone make a movie about this team? Because if they don’t I will.

Simply Amazing, congrats Boise State! Seeing a small town school from the West Coast excel in the big time stage is something I always love.

My Thoughts on Rocky VI

Although I already wrote a review on Double the Blog's sister blog Tecmo Blog (the word blog appeared three times in that sentence folks) I have more to say.
Warning: This is not a review of Rocky Balboa, it is a commentary on the movie. Therefore it will contain spoilers so its probably best not to read it until you have seen the movie.

That being said . . .

I’ve now seen Rocky Balboa twice and after weeks of hype by me (and the Large) it has lived up to my expectations. I think it is a fantastic movie. Part of me was hoping for a cheesy, all action no real story flick (a la Rocky III and IV). What Sly gave us was a back to your roots Rocky, a character study that was much like the original. The movie is touching right off the bat, as we realize Rocky no longer had Adrian and his son avoids him. When he goes on the tour of Philly to all the past places we know and love from the original Rocky you can’t help but feel nostalgic. I couldn’t help but feel sad for Rocky, despite the fact that he owns his own restaurant he really does not seem to have much going for him in life except is storied past. From time to time we get a little back story of Mason Dixon, but it is never enough. The movie barely touched on his life other then he is a not well liked champion. He is the least charismatic of any of the Rocky “villains” and it is not Tarver’s fault. There was really nothing in the script that dug deep into the core of Dixon. He doesn’t really come off as a good villain, like Apollo Creed did in the first Rocky. Nor do you hate him, like you did Clubber Lang and Ivan Drago. This would have worked just fine, not everyone can be a hero or villain, if they would have studied his character more.
There are some quirks in the movie that many didn’t seem to like but I thought were kind of funny. Although Steps didn’t seem to have much of a roll in the movie, I thought it was funny how he went from meeting Rocky, to being at the fight press conference to being in Rocky’s corner all in what seemed to be a matter of days. Pauley is still golden; I don’t think his character will ever get old. He shows some rare compassion in this movie, when he agonizes over how he treated Adrian badly when she was alive. Rocky had three real big cheesy speeches in this movie and I liked all of them actually. When he opens up and even starts to cry in the meat locker while talking to Pauley, that makes you realize that life has beaten down this once great champion and you feel for him. It makes you realize why he would want to fight again. I also enjoyed his speech to the boxing commission after they denied him a license, because it made sense. The best speech was the one he gave his whining, sniveling son. I didn’t like Rocky Jr. in this movie, maybe because I have never liked the character or maybe because you weren’t supposed to like him. He tries his best to talk his dad out of the fight because he is sick of living in his shadow. Instead of Rocky taking a step back (like he would have done with Adrian) he rips into his son for acting like a coward and letting life beat him down. Rocky tells him, “Its not about how hard you can hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep getting up”. It’s a good line I thought.
With Rocky somewhat lost in life he decides to try and fight again, of course. People say it’s a joke, Rocky Jr even mentions how Rocky has become a joke to everyone right before he gets the aforementioned speech. One could assume Sly had the same conversation with his real life son, Sage Stallone (who turned down a chance to reprise his roll as Rocky’s son in this movie even though he has no film career what-so-ever). Rocky decides to fight anyway; he doesn’t care what people think. Sly decided to make Rocky VI anyway for his own sake, he didn’t care what people thought. All this makes for an interesting enough movie leading up to the training scene. But once we hear the trainer Duke talking about building “hurting bombs” and “blunt force trauma” well now things are really getting going. Then the classic “Gonna Fly Now” music blares as we enter the famous training montage (too short by the way) and it is officially a Rocky movie. I enjoyed the training montage because the first part of it shows Rocky really struggling with his workouts but he eventually gets better.
The actual fight is an interesting one, unlike any other Rocky fight in terms of presentation. It feels like an actual HBO PPV fight with screen graphics, Jim Lampley, Larry Merchant and Max Kellerman calling the fight (even some Michael Buffer too). During the fight montage we switch from color to black and white shots. The fight begins with Dixon destroying Rocky, making him look as old and week as he probably is. I got depressed, it was sad to see an icon like Rocky looking helpless in the ring. Finally the fight turns in the 2nd round when Dixon breaks his hand punching Rocky and Rocky unleashes a fury of body shots that knock him down. The crowd in the theater actually started to cheer (me included), it was awesome. I know you all know the rest of the fight, but the best scene in the entire movie is in the tenth round when Dixon lands a devastating blow that knocks Rocky back. His vision is blurred, he can barely stand but he recalls the speech he gave to his son (about how hard you can get it) and yells at himself to get up and he does, much to Dixon’s dismay. That was a great scene. In between rounds Rocky Jr yells “The whole world thought this was a joke, I thought this was a joke. No one is laughing now” Same could be said about the movie itself.

Tony Romo is my Idol for now . . .

I can confidently say I am a Tony Romo fan and the more the Cowboys lose the longer I will remain a fan. Let’s go over why I originally liked Romo: When he first started he basically threw every ball to TO, who at the time was on my fantasy team and helping me through a dominating stretch were I was scoring at will. Well then Romo apparently was going out with Jessica Simpson. For those that don’t know me I am a big fan of her (looks wise) even though she is probably an incredibly annoying person (maybe a reason their rumored relationship didn’t go anywhere?) But now he apparently

has something going on with Carrie Underwood. I was a fan of Mrs. Underwood since I first saw her on American Idol and she was the only reason I watched that season (I am not an American Idol watcher, but I also am not an American Idol hater). So basically Tony Romo is running through all the women that are my “who are your top five women” list. This is amazing, I envy this man. When the Cowboys started to win the press (ESPN) basically decided to run every Romo story possible and I was pretty sure I was going to get incredibly sick of him. However the Cowboys started to struggle, the Romo talk kind of died and the Carrie Underwood thing happened. So basically I am back on the bandwagon and ready to see who else he runs through on my list (like Kristen Kruek or Erin Andrews maybe?). Still if the Cowboys make it to the Super Bowl all bets are off. Two whole weeks of TO and Romo stories would make me commit suicide. I would not even be able to turn on ESPN once during that time. What’s the bottom line of this random blog entry? Tony Romo is my idol for now.

One Awesome Weekend

I have the rare distinction of being both a college graduate and a college student. I for one love it. Quick side note on my life, I graduated college on Saturday, but I am going back to pursue a second bachelor’s degree and get teacher certification so basically I will be attending ASU for another two and a half years. This is awesome for two reasons:

a) I get to live the college dream for another few years

b) When I do graduate I get to become a social studies teacher, someone is going to pay me to work 180 days out of the year, talk about history, geography and stuff and regulate kids (and hopefully make a difference in their life!). I could not be more pumped up.

Okay enough with my future; I am here to communicate with you what has been one of the most intense weekends of my life. Well a lot of my “crew” was graduating this weekend so it was intense. Lots of alcohol, I mean a lot. On Thursday night it was the Ed’s graduation dinner. It was pretty formal, a lot of family and friends. All I know is I got to go up and tell a story about the Large (not the one I actually wanted to tell because in that story he is drunk and I don’t know if family would have appreciated that story) and eat free food. Then Mr. Hermes (his dad) decided to buy Bjorn, Praj, Mondo, Justin and I beer all night long. The dinner was in a hotel so he bought us about four rounds of Bud Lights then we proceeded to Tilt a Kilt (a bar) where he gave us a hundred dollar bill and told us to buy more beer. So basically he is True American Hero and will forever be awesome in our eyes. I must recommend Blue Moon with an orange slice, quite possibly the greatest beer ever brewed. For some odd reason the Tilt a Kilt closed at like 12:15, their loss I guess.

Friday night was even more intense. My office had a Christmas party at this bar in Scottsdale, there was an open bar. So all their crazy $10 dollar mixed drinks were free! I started off with a Mai Tai but decided that, since I had to graduate tomorrow, to switch to beer because mixed drinks would get me really hung over. The party started at 8; by 1130 I had my share of beers and mixed drinks and was ready to meet up with the crew down at Mill Avenue. My boss kindly paid for my cab ride and down to mill I went to meet up with an all star crew (Colorado Justin, Justin, Baker, Bjorn, Easy E, Josh, Laura, Mondo, Ed and his sister and cousins.) The night ended with random dancing at the Tavern and a lot of alcoholic intake by me. I had to turn in at 3am due to my graduation ceremonies the next day.

So by Saturday night I was done, but we were having a graduation/birthday party for Scottie that involved a lot of drinking. I tried my best but after three beers I just could not take the drinking anymore, call me weak but three consecutive nights of drinking took their toll on me. I have a party to go to tonight that I am going to have to skip; I can’t stomach any more liquor.

So that was one crazy graduation weekend, I had a lot of fun, hung out with old friends, drank a lot more then I never normally do, all while having the dual distinction of being a college graduate and continuing student. So what does the future have in store for me? Well next semester is all about dominating my studies while living the college dream. I hope to keep you all updated. Aaron OUT!

Casino Royale

Casino Royale was so close to being the best Bond movie ever and it was so close to being a great movie that it is sad it was not either. For those that don’t know, the Bond franchise dumped Pierce Brosnan and their special effects filled, story deprived crappy movies they had churned out since Golden Eye (a very good movie). They replaced it with a back to basics, no-nonsense, gritty origin story that was almost perfect. Daniel Craig was a great choice to play Bond, he does it very well. Gone is the corny, cheese ball, walked straight out of a comic book Bond that Brosnan’s character had become. Craig’s bond is ruthless; he is a good guy with a mean streak that could make him the greatest villain in the Bond series if he wanted to swing that way. He is not a noble spy; he is just a man that is very good at his job: killing people. There is no Q in this movie, no super unrealistic gadgets (like cars that shoot missiles from its headlights), the most advance technology they really seem to use is a tracking beacon injected into Bond’s skin and text messaging. The story is good, the acting is good, and the characters are great. So what went wrong? The ending. If you quit watching right after the poker game (I’m not giving anything away it’s in the plot description) you will leave thinking it truly was a great movie. The 30 minutes after that is so confusing, kind of boring and pretty unrealistic (for a movie that had been as realistic as any Bond movie could be). So many twists and turns and different bad guys come into play in the last half hour I had no clue what was going on. In the end I felt they killed an awesome movie, knocking it down to “good” status. Still worth seeing, it is still a very good movie. Plus the movie was great previews, including Rocky VI and Spider-Man 3.
Grade: B+ (A- if you take out the last 30 minutes, A+ of you take out the last 30 minutes and factor in the awesome previews).

A quick non Bond related note. Jay Z’s new hit song “Show Me What You Got” is not that bad of a song but it is being killed, in my opinion, by the commercialization of it. Whenever I hear that song I think of Jay Z rollin’ down the highway with Dale Earnhart Jr and Dannica Patrick. Is this his new crew? There is no way he rolls with these two. I doubt he even drinks Bud, doesn’t he drink Cristal? Or used to anyway. Still that commercial ruins what was an ok song to me. I just thought I would share that.

It Must Be Said

I feel the very need to communicate a few random thoughts from my weekend so here we go. First off I had an interesting Saturday; actually it might be seen as the exact opposite of interesting but that is for you to decide. I am sure everyone is really happy that election season is almost over because I am so incredibly sick of political ads. Gag me, seriously. Some of them are just stupid, like John Kyl’s attack ads on Jim Pederson stating he denied filing for bankruptcy five times even though he did actually file for good old chapter eleven a few years back. Look I have no idea if that actually happened or not, but lets assume it did. Who cares! I am supposed to not vote for a guy who filed for bankruptcy and is trying to cover it up, hey I would do the same thing right? Alright that probably did not make much sense but you get my drift. There is so much random smut thrown around this time of year I do not think anyone really knows what is true. So you know what I would like to see? I completely crazy political ad. Maybe Harry Mitchell can come up with an ad that goes something like this:
“Hi, I’m Harry Mitchell and I approve this ad because JD Hayworth sucks dick. Seriously, I have proof. He sucks dick and takes it in the ass. You don’t want a dick sucker as a congressman.”

This would be somewhat amusing wouldn’t it? JD Hayworth could counter with an attack ad about how Harry Mitchell kills newborn babies and bathes in their blood. We are all unsure what’s true anymore anyways, so let’s make some crazy shit up! There is going to come a point someday where politics is going to merge with wrestling and when this happens it will be the greatest day in history. I can picture it now; let me give you an example. I went to a democratic rally on ASU’s campus on Thursday to see former president Bill Clinton speak and support the democratic candidates. When politics and wrestling combine here is what would happen: Clinton would stroll up to a podium, say hello and then rip off his suit to reveal underneath a shirt supporting republic senate candidate John Kyl. The crowd would gasp and the announcer for the rally, because there would have to be one, would shout in fake horror: “Oh my God! Oh my God! Clinton just turned to the Republican side! I have never, EVER seen something so HORRIBLE!” This is the world I dream about kids, hopefully someday it happens.

Finally I want to wrap it up with a few non political thoughts. I was in the SRC today (ASU’s gym for you non-believers) and I saw a blind man with a Seeing Eye kid. No I did not type that wrong, I was not trying to type Seeing Eye dog. The blind man had a child on a leash (one of those harness things ya know) and the kid was guiding him around. You don’t see that to often. And finally, I was in Target today when I saw something very awesome. Right next to the Oreos was a box of cookies tilted “Newman-Os.” They were Oreo knockoffs, organically made with like low fat, no cholesterol and I am sure no taste. The best part was on the front of the bag, under the Newman-Os sign and picture of two old people titled “Ma and Pa Newman” were the words “Paul Newman donates millions of dollars to charity”. That is all it said, so basically someone made Diet-Oreos with a box hyping up Paul Newman’s philanthropist tic skills. What world we live in.

Aaron's Iron Laws of Partying

I will be leaving the wonderful world of college in a few months since I graduate in December, so as my gift to all current and soon to be college students I give you Aaron’s Iron Laws of Partying. Two quick notes, I am maybe the last person on Earth to be giving party laws but I am going to anyway and I call them Iron Laws because people will pay more attention to them. So here we go. Also important note this is from a guy’s perspective.

Iron Law #1: A Keg Does Not Make a Party

How many times has a friend called you up and told you he was at a party, so you decide to leave your perfectly comfortable living space, stop watching that great TV show you were watching, figure out what clothes to wear and drive all the way to this “party” only to find out its six dudes playing beer pong near a keg. Just because you have your friends over and have a keg that does not mean it’s a party nor gives you the right to call it a party.

Iron Law #2: Classify Your Party

Teenagers got something right, they classify their parties. It’s a party or a kickback. These are two terms are closely related but shed a huge amount of light on what you are actually doing. A party is 20 people or more, a kickback is less then that. But we don’t call it kickbacks because we are not teenage girls so instead we say “chillin” or as the Cottonwood House made famous a “box social”. So if you have a keg and 10 people, you are chillin’ with your friends NOT throwing a party. Okay? Good.

Iron Law #3: Guy to Girl Ratio

There is really only one statistic you can use when trying to figure out if a party is good and that is guy to girl ratio. If the ratio is over 2:1 (and that’s the absolute maximum) you do not have a party. What you have is what is referred to as a sausage fest and no one wants to go to a sausage fest.

Iron Law #4: Entertainment Must be Provided

A keg is all the entertainment I need but you can’t call yourself a party without any of these three things: cards, a card table and a beer pong table. You may be able to get away without one, but without all three and your party’s classification changes to a chillin’ (unless it is really big).

Iron Law #5: Forgive and Forget

Sometimes it’s just not happening. Your friend tells you there is going to be a party so you go. The party has all the elements, a keg, peer pong table and drinking games. However there are about 10 guys to every girl and only 20 people there. Sometimes people have the best intentions but their parties can’t get off the ground, it’s not their fault it was just a bad night to be partying.

There you go, 5 Iron Laws of partying from someone who has thrown one party in his life and ended up ditching his own party to go to the neighbor’s party. But hey, one could say I have observed the masters of the Old Cottonwood house for three great years.

Mission Implausible

The recent split between Paramount and Tom Cruise has apparently forced the retirement of Ethan Hunt of Mission Impossible fame. That isn’t stopping Paramount from going on with the franchise. Rumor has it Paramount is set to offer the job to Brad Pitt and pay him whatever it takes. The deal could make Pitt the highest paid movie star in the industry. Pitt will not play Ethan Hunt, who will also be getting the boot from the series. The question is, do we want to see a MI4? Did we even want to see a MI3? I have a plot line for MI4: Ethan Hunt goes rouge and teams with a sleazy millionaire (Daniel Snyder) and a beautiful seductress (Katie Holmes) and tries to take over the world and its up to Brad Pitt to stop it. I would watch that in a heartbeat.

This message will self destruct never.

A Worthy Premier

Last night was the debut of NBC’s great new hope, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. This is probably NBC’s biggest pilot in years, in terms of star power, hype and the fact that it seems like the entire network’s primetime hopes of a return to glory ride on this show. It has the cast, it has the plot and it has the right people behind the scenes. So how did the first episode do? Well it did great in my opinion. It was, dare I say, riveting. The behind the scenes look at life on a sketch comedy show is an interesting subject that is not often seen on TV.
I think the cast was awesome. I was really surprised with Mathew Perry, I managed to watch the entire episode without once thinking about Chandler from Friends fame. This is the perfect role for him, if he did a comedy it would probably fail because no one would see him as anything other than Chandler. Going to drama, with subtle comedy, was a great move that is going to work out. The rest of the cast is really solid too, although Steven Weber playing an asshole will be hard to watch but the same theory that applies to Perry applies to him (for those who don’t remember, he played the great Brian Hackett on Wings).
Ultimately I kept looking at the clock on my cable box, getting disappointed that it was creeping closer to 10. That is always a good sign. I think NBC has a hit on its hands and there is a 0% chance they won’t cancel it after three episodes. Keep watching on Mondays at 9pm.

Fall TV Preview

Welcome to the fall TV preview at Double the Blog, right off the heels of another awesome Emmy Awards (Anything Conan’s hosts is awesome) I am going to do my best to preview the upcoming year of TV. I figured since I always to a TV year in review, why not do a preview? So let’s kick it off with everyone’s favorite fallen on hard times network, NBC!

NBC-
In his opening monologue Conan made reference to how NBC was “relying on Howie Mendel” to save their network and also mentioned how the Emmys would get cancelled “half way through” the show. Funny because it’s true, NBC has long screwed themselves by canceling shows instantaneously to the point that I was afraid to start watching a new NBC show. Well that’s all about to change this year because almost every one of their shows is new or relatively new. The network is currently home to maybe the three best comedies on TV (The Office, My Name is Earl and Scrubs) and its fall line up is about 99% new shows. So lets delve into some of the headlines.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip-
If this show fails, I will be shocked. A behind the scenes look at Saturday Night Live? The dude that brought us Sports Night and the West Wing heads up this show. I think that enough is reason to think it will be good. Returning to TV since the end of Friends, Matthew Perry is one of the lead actors in this movie. Usually actors or actress in super popular comedies can’t succeed ever again the TV market. I think Perry can because he is not doing a comedy like Friends, more of a comedy-drama like this. Also included is Bradley Whitford who is pretty solid. One of my personal favorites Steven Weber (Brian from Wings, and an actor NBC has been trying to get on a show for ten years since Wings went off the air), DL Hughley (who is not known for his acting ability, he even admits this on the show preview and makes reference to Soul Plane) and Amanda Peet. I think the show is worth watching, because it is NBC’s new baby and there is no way they cancel it anytime soon.

30 Rock-
So the summary states this “The inner workings of a variety show provide the fodder for this comedy”. Kinda sounds a little like the show above. I think its trying to be almost the exact same thing, only more comedy then drama. Maybe NBC is hoping one of them work. This show is littered with former Saturday Night Live members. It is driven by Tina Fey, and I always thought she was pretty funny and had good writing talent. Alec Baldwin is also in it, I like Baldwin in comedies. If he can be like Ben Stiller’s boss from Along Came Polly the whole time then he would be hilarious. Tracy Morgan and Rachel Dratch also star. It has potential, but I don’t trust NBC to keep it on long enough.

Heroes-
The show is a look at the lives of ordinary people who have super abilities. I would say think of this show as all the non Spider-Man scenes in Spider-Man 2. If it can be like that, it would be worth watching. It could be an interesting drama, but I am not quite sure what to think. I’ll probably tune in for the first few episodes.
Friday Night Lights-
The movie was good, but can it sustain a series? I’m not sure how this series could last beyond a year because all their guys would have to graduate, but then again you would say the same thing about Lost or 24. These shows that seem like they could only last for one year are the new hit thing in today’s TV. As for a longer inside look at big time high school football? Count me in; I think this one is worth watching.

Continuing Watching- The Office, Scrubs, My Name is Earl


FOX-

Till Death-
Brad Garrett didn’t wait till long to jump into a sitcom that was not that much different then the one he was currently in. I like Garrett, and the show also features Paul Finch of American Pie fame. I can’t see it working however, the rule is that you can’t play the same character from a hit TV show unless it’s a spin off. Luckily for people who want to watch, it’s on FOX and they tend to stick with shows for a while. So you never know, but I don’t expect much.

Happy Hour-
Hmm a sitcom based around a time in which you drink cheap drinks. Hey I love happy hour as much as the next guy, but can it become a sitcom? Actually the show is about two guys living together, with a girl neighbor and things happen to them. Sounds like every other sitcom ever. Oh yeah it runs on Thursday nights, so, um, cancelled.

ABC-
It seems like every ABC show is the same now, hour long drama followed by hour long drama. I did enjoy Invasion last year, its sad they cancelled it and replaced it with pretty much the EXACT same type of show. That’s an NBC move if I ever saw one.

The Nine-
This is pretty much just like Invasion. A bank gets robbed and 52 hours later the life of nine people have changed and the rest of the season long show is dealt in flashbacks and how these people are coping with what happened. Only something happened and you can be damn sure it’s going to take until the season finale to play out. Sounds exactly like Invasion. Count me in I guess, I don’t mind the very slow moving drams.

CBS-

The Class-
This show is about a guy and his fiancé who originally met in third grade, but they met again years later and fell in love. So apparently they decide to reunite their 3rd grade class. That’s the sitcom, no that is all there is too it. How could this show last? I don’t even know anymore, sometimes the best ideas sound stupid at first. Although CBS is now the leading network of producing high quality sitcoms, I would pass on this one.

Keep Watching: How I Met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men.

Okay those are some of the new shows from the fall networks, lets hope some new hit shows, coupled with the returning goods make for an awesome year of TV.

My Life

I give to you, the prospective reader, a day in my life. I’ll take you behind the scenes and show you what really goes on. Well all these things don’t happen in the same day all the time; they always reoccur every week it seems like.

10 am- I wake up, hop in the shower, spread some bagel on my cream cheese (seriously) and read various sports pages from across the country.

11 am- I’m done eating, done waking up now its time for me to play Madden for the next few hours.

2:30pm- I break from Madden to watch PTI, only to find golf has preempted it.

2:35pm- I decide to try and take out the trash, which is so overflowing that it is a self-sustaining entity now.

3:30pm- I somehow succeed in taking out the trash.

4pm- My roommate Justin wakes up and takes a shower, ironically at the exact moment I was going to use the bathroom (we only have one bathroom).

5pm- Matt enters the apartment and greets us with an “ahoy ahoy”.

5:30pm- Matt, Justin and I debate on where to get food. Matt votes quiznos, Justin votes for “America’s Drive Through” (he is referring to Sonic) my suggestion gets shot down instantly.

6pm- After a solid half hour of debating we have decided on KFC. As we arrive I try and decide what type of “snackers” I should get. Justin tells me to get a 20 piece bucket all to myself.

6:05pm- I order first, getting two regular snackers and two buffalo ones. Then I proceed to stand in front of the soda fountain trying to decide between Pepsi, Dr. Pepper or Root Beer.

6:10pm- Justin and Matt finish making their orders; I am still trying to make my soda decision.

6:15pm- Everyone’s orders are up, Matt decides to make my soda decision for me (root beer) because my indecisiveness will keep us there all night long.

6:30pm- We are back at the apartment, finished eating and Matt and Justin are playing Madden. I am banging my head against the wall (just kidding).

7pm- Justin tells me to call “Easy E” (our friend Eric) and tell him to come entertain us (he lives in the same complex). I get his voice mail which states, and I quote, “you have reached the Mongoose”. I tell Justin I got his machine, we both assume he is WOWing (playing World of Warcraft online).

7:30pm- Easy E enters the apartment with a six pack of beer, saying “yo, yo, yo” pointing at all of us reciting our nicknames. He then asks if there is any Bruce Willis on.

7:35pm- Matt leaves

8pm- The Girl Next Door comes on HBO and Easy E, Justin and I quote every single line of the movie.

8:30pm- Ed comes barreling through the door and asks us what is going down tonight. We decide to call Bjorn.

9:30pm- Bjorn enters the apartment and asks us “What’s really good?” We hear word of a party from one of our friends and decide to go.

10pm- We arrive at the party, but its just 4 guys playing beer pong. People are too loose with the word party nowadays. If it’s under 20 people, it’s not a party. If the guy to girl ratio is above 2 to 1 then it’s not a party. Having a keg does not a party make.

10:10pm- We get a call from Armando who tells us all the Tempe 12 girls are at his house. (The Tempe 12 is the officially recognized twelve hottest ASU students. They made a calendar. Some of them are overrated). We decide to go over to Mondo’s, which interrupts Bjorn’s intense game of beer pong. “Just one more game Doggy” He says.

10:30pm- We arrive at Mondo’s but no Tempe 12 to be seen. Mondo tells us they just left, but there are some fat sorority girls still chillin. Ed proclaims he will not “lower his standards tonight” and we decide to leave.

11pm- We arrive on Mill Avenue and go to the bars. We go to the Tavern and decide to wait in the long line to get in.

11:10pm- As we wait in line we see girls exiting, Easy E keeps saying to them “you’re leaving? But I just got here.”

11:15pm- We finally enter but can barley move due to the mass of people. Ed proclaims “this bar sucks.”

11:16pm- The Who’s Teenage Westland plays over the sound system; Ed proclaims “I love this bar!”

12am- We find our way onto the dance floor. I do the only dance move you ever need to do (the “count it”) over and over for about 40 straight minutes. The ladies love it, but soon get bored of it.

12:20am- Bjorn and Easy E start talking to some girls. Easy E starts to talk about when he went to Texas for a Quake tournament. He realizes his error and stops himself before critical damage had been done. Bjorn tells him he is “wild homo doggy.”

12:30am- A drunk Ed proclaims “I am lowering my standards”.

1am- Justin convinces us all to go to Denny’s when we leave the bar, we agree and he unleashes a very load “BOOM!” complete with Tiger Woods like fist pump. He is drunk by the way too and always louder when drunk.

1:10am- Random text messaging is in full force.

1:30am- Just when you think Ed has his girl for the night, he gets brutally cock blocked and we decide to bounce.

1:35am- Ed has had so much beer tonight he keeps saying he is “the Large” over and over again.

1:40am- On the drive back we decide not to go to Denny’s, this leaves Justin devastated. Bjorn wants to get more beer, Easy E is almost down for the count.

1:45am- In the parking lot of the apartment complex we see a hot girl. Ed goes from pretty much passed out to peak attentiveness and proclaims, once again, he is “the Large”.

2am- I turn in

7am- Bjorn and Justin turn in after hours of video gaming and poker talk. No one really knows what became of Easy E.


There you have it, my life in a nutshell. I must say, I love every second of it.

Late Summer Movie Reviews

We here at Double the Blog are glad to be back and apologize to our zero readers for the lack of posts lately (I seriously mean zero, because I think all of my five regular readers think I stopped updating this blog). As summer comes to a close (school starts on Monday) I bring you four movie review, Clerks II, Talladega Nights, Accepted and Snakes on a Plane. Can any of these four movies do anything to help the worst summer for movies in American history? Well read on and find out:

Clerks II-
A sequel twelve years in the making. The first one was not going to be topped; it was too original, too charming, too funny and too good for a sequel to top it. While the first was shot in black and white, only about 2 minutes of this one are shot in black and white. While the black and white scheme added to the charm of the first one, this film being in color doesn’t take anything away from the franchise (if you can call two films a franchise). We start off with the Quick Stop burned to the ground by, you guessed it, Randall. Dante and Randall proceed to find new jobs at Mooby’s, a fast food joint (you might remember it from prior Kevin Smith films). It is Dante’s last day before he moves to Florida with his fiancé and the movie chronicles that last day. Also appearing in the movie is Mooby’s boss and potential Dante love interest Becky, played by Rosairo Dawson. Also working at movies is teenager Elias, who adds some good comedy to the flick in a supporting role. Of course Jay and Silent Bob return, doing Jay and Silent Bob things. The movie, of course, is not as good as the first one but it is also not as funny as Kevin Smith movies of the past. It has its great parts though, like when Randall goes on a rant about the Lord of the Rings trilogy as it compares to the Star Wars trilogy. This is the movie’s highlight. The lowlight is a completely unnecessary beastiality scene at the movie’s climax. As for Dante and Randall, while nothing has changed with them except they are twelve years older. While they were charming, real life Clerks in the first movie they seem like losers is this one. I mean they are in their mid thirties and working at a fast food joint (that remarkably never, ever seems to get busy). It also doesn’t help that you know exactly how things are going to play out about 10 minutes into the movie. That is not that big of a deal if the movie is good enough, but like I said it disappoints. Overall it’s not all that bad; Jay and Silent Bob are their refreshingly normal selves. I just feel Kevin Smith kind of made this movie to make money and didn’t put his heart into as much as he could have. That’s just how I feels to me I guess. The movie does have rewatchability factor but it could really do without the gross “interspecies erotica” at the end.
Grade: C

Talladega Nights, the Ballad of Ricky Bobby
A Will Ferrell movie to save our summer of bad movies! Yeah! Oh wait its not that good, boo! Actually Talladega has gotten pretty solid reviews but I think the movie leaves a lot to be desired. It centers on a NASCAR driver, Ricky Bobby, who is the best in the business until he his challenged by Jean Girard, a French Formula One driver played by Sacha Baron Cohen. The main problem with the movie is that it is a NASCAR movie but a good portion of the movie takes place with Ricky Bobby is down and out on his luck. The movie gets exceedingly unfunny (by this I mean it starts out pretty funny and just tails off) and by the end you don’t really seem to care because you know exactly what is going to happen. John C. Riley, playing Ricky Bobby’s best friend Cal Naughton Jr, is great in this movie. He is funnier than Ferrell, but to be fair Ferrell was not up to his par performance in this movie.

Movie Highlight: Any scene that is improvised. No one can improvise better than Ferrell. The best scene is when he is praying to baby Jesus and improvising it the whole way, it is hilarious. All the improvised scenes are so funny because they are so natural, they blow the written scenes away. Another highlight would be Leslie Bibb who plays Ricky’s wife Carley Bobby, where have you been all my life?

Movie Lowlight: A movie about a sport that is all about advertising? You can bet the studio was licking their chops. There is actually a commercial in this movie. Yes, you are hearing me right. It is part of a comedy sketch, a crash scene is so long they break for commercial but still there is a commercial in this movie. We don’t need this! That was the lowlight.

What could have been better: More improvised scenes and less time away from NASCAR. Also they could have made the interchange between Jean Girard and Ricky Bobby a lot better than it was. Parts of it were funny, but it could have been done a lot better.

Overall: Exactly what I expected out of this movie. This summer has been so bad that I fear the worst of every movie and I expected this one to disappoint. So it didn’t disappoint me. How much in depth can you go with a NASCAR comedy? The character Ricky Bobby could have been great but it was just okay.
Grade: C

Accepted-
The story is actually pretty interesting because I have never seen anything like it before. Bartleby Gaines (Justin Long) can’t get into any college in the country. He even gets rejected from Ohio State (which I didn’t know was possible, seriously I think they have to accept everyone. Maybe that’s just in Ohio). Exasperated he decides to create a college (because apparently community college doesn’t exist in this movie) the South Harmon Institute of Technology. He gets his friend Sherman Schrader (Jonah Hill) to create a website for the college. Sherman is genuinely funny in this movie and is the bulk of the laughs early on until the movie decides to not let him do ANYTHING funny the rest of the movie (this happens about forty minutes into the movie, basically after the scene he is dressed up like a hot dog). Along with some other friends who couldn’t get into college they decide to all pretend like they got accepted. What a crew it is, there is Maria Thayer who got turned down from Yale and apparently couldn’t get anything else. There is Bartleby’s football playing friend Hands who got a scholarship then got hurt and had it taken away. They also hire a dean, Uncle Ben (Lewis Black). Black spends the movie ranting a raving about society, culture, conformity and swearing (he even goes over the 1 f-bomb allowed per PG-13 movie). While designing the website Sherman misunderstands that “acceptance is one click away” is a slogan and when he actually makes it a reality everyone who got rejected by a college shows up and the fun begins.
It’s safe to say the movie had some plot holes, which is to be expected and could be made up if the movie is funny enough. It is a mad libs comedy. By that I mean they use the same plot structure as any other mediocre comedy and just change around the players and the setting. There are the high, the lows, the really high and the really lows. Not to mention the movie gets serious at the end, which always kills light hearted comedies. Not to mention an ending that would never, ever happen in real life. Also included in the movie is a passionate speech, a rivalry with the dean and head frat guy of another college and a love interest. Sadly I think the movie could have been a lot funnier and it seems to stop trying mid way through the movie. However I do like Justin Long, the only reason I think I went to see this movie.
Grade: C

Snakes on a Plane

“I've had it with these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane!”

How can you not like a movie with a quote like that? I think this is my new favorite quote of all time, seriously. Think what you can incorporate it to be? I have it with these mother fucking _____ on this mother fucking _____. The possibilities are endless.
When I first saw the trailer for this movie, well I knew it was going to be good. The movie is intentionally bad, to the point that it is just absolutely hilarious. The movie starts off in Hawaii where we are treated to about 20 minutes of footage that is devoid of snakes or planes, but hey you gotta set up the story right? What did you expect (or in my case hoping for) snakes right off the bat? The movie starts off with Sean Jones witnessing a murderer committed by criminal mastermind Eddie Kim. Never mind the fact that Kim beats a district attorney to death with a baseball bat out in the open in broad daylight, this guy is a criminal mastermind. When he finds out who witnessed him he decided Sean must die. FBI agent Nelville Flynn (Sam Jackson) is entrusted with the duty to protect Sean on his cross ocean flight to LA to testify as a witness against Kim. Kim is such a mastermind that instead of arranging one of your usual “hits” he decides to load up his plane with an all-star cast of poisonous snakes (its like the 1992 Dream Team of snakes, Cobras, Rattlesnakes, galore).
This is when we are treated to the delightful crew and passengers of the plane. This is another all-star crew of airline and horror movie stereotypes. There is the flight attendant Claire Miller (Julianna Margulies) who is on her very last flight before she takes a new job. Let’s not forget the nervous flyer, the honeymooning couple, the lady with a baby (“Oh God my baby! My baby!”), snooty foreign business man that takes a remarkably long time to die (but they finish him in such a fantastic way), couple who wants to join the mile high club, the chauvinistic pilot (Champ from Anchorman fame), kickboxing Asian guy and rich girl with little dog in her purse.
Shortly after the flight takes off we are treated to the giant box of snakes that has a timer on it waiting to release them. So we have a countdown to snakes timer, this is just a great touch. The closer to zero it gets, the more excited the crowd at the movie seemed to get. Once the snakes are released we are treated to some truly awesome snake vision (apparently snakes see in all green and their vision is very blurred). These snakes attack in every which way to get a laugh, they go for tits, dicks, through eyes, out of mouths, and up ladies skirts. Its fabulous and 100% enjoyable.
The rest of the movie is spent watching Sam Jackson swear, regulate and kick some snake ass. He is perfect in this movie, playing his stereotypical Sam Jackson perfectly (I would hope he could). As more and more things go wrong and more obstacles arise you can see Sam Jackson starting to get frustrated. So when he unleashes his famous quote late in the movie you can’t help but laugh (or cry like I did, it was that funny). The quote comes towards the end and you will probably forget it is coming trying to digest what has been happening the last hour. It comes at a perfect time and it is a perfect quote.
I recommend this movie if you are looking for a good movie to sit back, drink a soda, eat some popcorn and just enjoy. Take it for what it is, a movie that has plot holes, so-so acting, cheesy quotes and CGI snakes. It was all intentional, and the movie lived up to every expectation I ever had for it.
Grade: A+

Formatting the Change

Im not sure if anyone is still reading, if so I apologize for the lack of posts for I have been totally into the Tecmo Blog right now. I am going to make this blog about entertainment, TV and my life but its summer and nothing interesting happens on all three fronts. I promise I will update real soon once something interesting happens. I mean I could blog about how I spend all day working the front desk at the art museum today, but who really cares? For now I will leave you with a picture of one awesome dude, a blast from the past: Big Boss Man. Enjoy, I shall return.