My Life

I give to you, the prospective reader, a day in my life. I’ll take you behind the scenes and show you what really goes on. Well all these things don’t happen in the same day all the time; they always reoccur every week it seems like.

10 am- I wake up, hop in the shower, spread some bagel on my cream cheese (seriously) and read various sports pages from across the country.

11 am- I’m done eating, done waking up now its time for me to play Madden for the next few hours.

2:30pm- I break from Madden to watch PTI, only to find golf has preempted it.

2:35pm- I decide to try and take out the trash, which is so overflowing that it is a self-sustaining entity now.

3:30pm- I somehow succeed in taking out the trash.

4pm- My roommate Justin wakes up and takes a shower, ironically at the exact moment I was going to use the bathroom (we only have one bathroom).

5pm- Matt enters the apartment and greets us with an “ahoy ahoy”.

5:30pm- Matt, Justin and I debate on where to get food. Matt votes quiznos, Justin votes for “America’s Drive Through” (he is referring to Sonic) my suggestion gets shot down instantly.

6pm- After a solid half hour of debating we have decided on KFC. As we arrive I try and decide what type of “snackers” I should get. Justin tells me to get a 20 piece bucket all to myself.

6:05pm- I order first, getting two regular snackers and two buffalo ones. Then I proceed to stand in front of the soda fountain trying to decide between Pepsi, Dr. Pepper or Root Beer.

6:10pm- Justin and Matt finish making their orders; I am still trying to make my soda decision.

6:15pm- Everyone’s orders are up, Matt decides to make my soda decision for me (root beer) because my indecisiveness will keep us there all night long.

6:30pm- We are back at the apartment, finished eating and Matt and Justin are playing Madden. I am banging my head against the wall (just kidding).

7pm- Justin tells me to call “Easy E” (our friend Eric) and tell him to come entertain us (he lives in the same complex). I get his voice mail which states, and I quote, “you have reached the Mongoose”. I tell Justin I got his machine, we both assume he is WOWing (playing World of Warcraft online).

7:30pm- Easy E enters the apartment with a six pack of beer, saying “yo, yo, yo” pointing at all of us reciting our nicknames. He then asks if there is any Bruce Willis on.

7:35pm- Matt leaves

8pm- The Girl Next Door comes on HBO and Easy E, Justin and I quote every single line of the movie.

8:30pm- Ed comes barreling through the door and asks us what is going down tonight. We decide to call Bjorn.

9:30pm- Bjorn enters the apartment and asks us “What’s really good?” We hear word of a party from one of our friends and decide to go.

10pm- We arrive at the party, but its just 4 guys playing beer pong. People are too loose with the word party nowadays. If it’s under 20 people, it’s not a party. If the guy to girl ratio is above 2 to 1 then it’s not a party. Having a keg does not a party make.

10:10pm- We get a call from Armando who tells us all the Tempe 12 girls are at his house. (The Tempe 12 is the officially recognized twelve hottest ASU students. They made a calendar. Some of them are overrated). We decide to go over to Mondo’s, which interrupts Bjorn’s intense game of beer pong. “Just one more game Doggy” He says.

10:30pm- We arrive at Mondo’s but no Tempe 12 to be seen. Mondo tells us they just left, but there are some fat sorority girls still chillin. Ed proclaims he will not “lower his standards tonight” and we decide to leave.

11pm- We arrive on Mill Avenue and go to the bars. We go to the Tavern and decide to wait in the long line to get in.

11:10pm- As we wait in line we see girls exiting, Easy E keeps saying to them “you’re leaving? But I just got here.”

11:15pm- We finally enter but can barley move due to the mass of people. Ed proclaims “this bar sucks.”

11:16pm- The Who’s Teenage Westland plays over the sound system; Ed proclaims “I love this bar!”

12am- We find our way onto the dance floor. I do the only dance move you ever need to do (the “count it”) over and over for about 40 straight minutes. The ladies love it, but soon get bored of it.

12:20am- Bjorn and Easy E start talking to some girls. Easy E starts to talk about when he went to Texas for a Quake tournament. He realizes his error and stops himself before critical damage had been done. Bjorn tells him he is “wild homo doggy.”

12:30am- A drunk Ed proclaims “I am lowering my standards”.

1am- Justin convinces us all to go to Denny’s when we leave the bar, we agree and he unleashes a very load “BOOM!” complete with Tiger Woods like fist pump. He is drunk by the way too and always louder when drunk.

1:10am- Random text messaging is in full force.

1:30am- Just when you think Ed has his girl for the night, he gets brutally cock blocked and we decide to bounce.

1:35am- Ed has had so much beer tonight he keeps saying he is “the Large” over and over again.

1:40am- On the drive back we decide not to go to Denny’s, this leaves Justin devastated. Bjorn wants to get more beer, Easy E is almost down for the count.

1:45am- In the parking lot of the apartment complex we see a hot girl. Ed goes from pretty much passed out to peak attentiveness and proclaims, once again, he is “the Large”.

2am- I turn in

7am- Bjorn and Justin turn in after hours of video gaming and poker talk. No one really knows what became of Easy E.


There you have it, my life in a nutshell. I must say, I love every second of it.

Late Summer Movie Reviews

We here at Double the Blog are glad to be back and apologize to our zero readers for the lack of posts lately (I seriously mean zero, because I think all of my five regular readers think I stopped updating this blog). As summer comes to a close (school starts on Monday) I bring you four movie review, Clerks II, Talladega Nights, Accepted and Snakes on a Plane. Can any of these four movies do anything to help the worst summer for movies in American history? Well read on and find out:

Clerks II-
A sequel twelve years in the making. The first one was not going to be topped; it was too original, too charming, too funny and too good for a sequel to top it. While the first was shot in black and white, only about 2 minutes of this one are shot in black and white. While the black and white scheme added to the charm of the first one, this film being in color doesn’t take anything away from the franchise (if you can call two films a franchise). We start off with the Quick Stop burned to the ground by, you guessed it, Randall. Dante and Randall proceed to find new jobs at Mooby’s, a fast food joint (you might remember it from prior Kevin Smith films). It is Dante’s last day before he moves to Florida with his fiancé and the movie chronicles that last day. Also appearing in the movie is Mooby’s boss and potential Dante love interest Becky, played by Rosairo Dawson. Also working at movies is teenager Elias, who adds some good comedy to the flick in a supporting role. Of course Jay and Silent Bob return, doing Jay and Silent Bob things. The movie, of course, is not as good as the first one but it is also not as funny as Kevin Smith movies of the past. It has its great parts though, like when Randall goes on a rant about the Lord of the Rings trilogy as it compares to the Star Wars trilogy. This is the movie’s highlight. The lowlight is a completely unnecessary beastiality scene at the movie’s climax. As for Dante and Randall, while nothing has changed with them except they are twelve years older. While they were charming, real life Clerks in the first movie they seem like losers is this one. I mean they are in their mid thirties and working at a fast food joint (that remarkably never, ever seems to get busy). It also doesn’t help that you know exactly how things are going to play out about 10 minutes into the movie. That is not that big of a deal if the movie is good enough, but like I said it disappoints. Overall it’s not all that bad; Jay and Silent Bob are their refreshingly normal selves. I just feel Kevin Smith kind of made this movie to make money and didn’t put his heart into as much as he could have. That’s just how I feels to me I guess. The movie does have rewatchability factor but it could really do without the gross “interspecies erotica” at the end.
Grade: C

Talladega Nights, the Ballad of Ricky Bobby
A Will Ferrell movie to save our summer of bad movies! Yeah! Oh wait its not that good, boo! Actually Talladega has gotten pretty solid reviews but I think the movie leaves a lot to be desired. It centers on a NASCAR driver, Ricky Bobby, who is the best in the business until he his challenged by Jean Girard, a French Formula One driver played by Sacha Baron Cohen. The main problem with the movie is that it is a NASCAR movie but a good portion of the movie takes place with Ricky Bobby is down and out on his luck. The movie gets exceedingly unfunny (by this I mean it starts out pretty funny and just tails off) and by the end you don’t really seem to care because you know exactly what is going to happen. John C. Riley, playing Ricky Bobby’s best friend Cal Naughton Jr, is great in this movie. He is funnier than Ferrell, but to be fair Ferrell was not up to his par performance in this movie.

Movie Highlight: Any scene that is improvised. No one can improvise better than Ferrell. The best scene is when he is praying to baby Jesus and improvising it the whole way, it is hilarious. All the improvised scenes are so funny because they are so natural, they blow the written scenes away. Another highlight would be Leslie Bibb who plays Ricky’s wife Carley Bobby, where have you been all my life?

Movie Lowlight: A movie about a sport that is all about advertising? You can bet the studio was licking their chops. There is actually a commercial in this movie. Yes, you are hearing me right. It is part of a comedy sketch, a crash scene is so long they break for commercial but still there is a commercial in this movie. We don’t need this! That was the lowlight.

What could have been better: More improvised scenes and less time away from NASCAR. Also they could have made the interchange between Jean Girard and Ricky Bobby a lot better than it was. Parts of it were funny, but it could have been done a lot better.

Overall: Exactly what I expected out of this movie. This summer has been so bad that I fear the worst of every movie and I expected this one to disappoint. So it didn’t disappoint me. How much in depth can you go with a NASCAR comedy? The character Ricky Bobby could have been great but it was just okay.
Grade: C

Accepted-
The story is actually pretty interesting because I have never seen anything like it before. Bartleby Gaines (Justin Long) can’t get into any college in the country. He even gets rejected from Ohio State (which I didn’t know was possible, seriously I think they have to accept everyone. Maybe that’s just in Ohio). Exasperated he decides to create a college (because apparently community college doesn’t exist in this movie) the South Harmon Institute of Technology. He gets his friend Sherman Schrader (Jonah Hill) to create a website for the college. Sherman is genuinely funny in this movie and is the bulk of the laughs early on until the movie decides to not let him do ANYTHING funny the rest of the movie (this happens about forty minutes into the movie, basically after the scene he is dressed up like a hot dog). Along with some other friends who couldn’t get into college they decide to all pretend like they got accepted. What a crew it is, there is Maria Thayer who got turned down from Yale and apparently couldn’t get anything else. There is Bartleby’s football playing friend Hands who got a scholarship then got hurt and had it taken away. They also hire a dean, Uncle Ben (Lewis Black). Black spends the movie ranting a raving about society, culture, conformity and swearing (he even goes over the 1 f-bomb allowed per PG-13 movie). While designing the website Sherman misunderstands that “acceptance is one click away” is a slogan and when he actually makes it a reality everyone who got rejected by a college shows up and the fun begins.
It’s safe to say the movie had some plot holes, which is to be expected and could be made up if the movie is funny enough. It is a mad libs comedy. By that I mean they use the same plot structure as any other mediocre comedy and just change around the players and the setting. There are the high, the lows, the really high and the really lows. Not to mention the movie gets serious at the end, which always kills light hearted comedies. Not to mention an ending that would never, ever happen in real life. Also included in the movie is a passionate speech, a rivalry with the dean and head frat guy of another college and a love interest. Sadly I think the movie could have been a lot funnier and it seems to stop trying mid way through the movie. However I do like Justin Long, the only reason I think I went to see this movie.
Grade: C

Snakes on a Plane

“I've had it with these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane!”

How can you not like a movie with a quote like that? I think this is my new favorite quote of all time, seriously. Think what you can incorporate it to be? I have it with these mother fucking _____ on this mother fucking _____. The possibilities are endless.
When I first saw the trailer for this movie, well I knew it was going to be good. The movie is intentionally bad, to the point that it is just absolutely hilarious. The movie starts off in Hawaii where we are treated to about 20 minutes of footage that is devoid of snakes or planes, but hey you gotta set up the story right? What did you expect (or in my case hoping for) snakes right off the bat? The movie starts off with Sean Jones witnessing a murderer committed by criminal mastermind Eddie Kim. Never mind the fact that Kim beats a district attorney to death with a baseball bat out in the open in broad daylight, this guy is a criminal mastermind. When he finds out who witnessed him he decided Sean must die. FBI agent Nelville Flynn (Sam Jackson) is entrusted with the duty to protect Sean on his cross ocean flight to LA to testify as a witness against Kim. Kim is such a mastermind that instead of arranging one of your usual “hits” he decides to load up his plane with an all-star cast of poisonous snakes (its like the 1992 Dream Team of snakes, Cobras, Rattlesnakes, galore).
This is when we are treated to the delightful crew and passengers of the plane. This is another all-star crew of airline and horror movie stereotypes. There is the flight attendant Claire Miller (Julianna Margulies) who is on her very last flight before she takes a new job. Let’s not forget the nervous flyer, the honeymooning couple, the lady with a baby (“Oh God my baby! My baby!”), snooty foreign business man that takes a remarkably long time to die (but they finish him in such a fantastic way), couple who wants to join the mile high club, the chauvinistic pilot (Champ from Anchorman fame), kickboxing Asian guy and rich girl with little dog in her purse.
Shortly after the flight takes off we are treated to the giant box of snakes that has a timer on it waiting to release them. So we have a countdown to snakes timer, this is just a great touch. The closer to zero it gets, the more excited the crowd at the movie seemed to get. Once the snakes are released we are treated to some truly awesome snake vision (apparently snakes see in all green and their vision is very blurred). These snakes attack in every which way to get a laugh, they go for tits, dicks, through eyes, out of mouths, and up ladies skirts. Its fabulous and 100% enjoyable.
The rest of the movie is spent watching Sam Jackson swear, regulate and kick some snake ass. He is perfect in this movie, playing his stereotypical Sam Jackson perfectly (I would hope he could). As more and more things go wrong and more obstacles arise you can see Sam Jackson starting to get frustrated. So when he unleashes his famous quote late in the movie you can’t help but laugh (or cry like I did, it was that funny). The quote comes towards the end and you will probably forget it is coming trying to digest what has been happening the last hour. It comes at a perfect time and it is a perfect quote.
I recommend this movie if you are looking for a good movie to sit back, drink a soda, eat some popcorn and just enjoy. Take it for what it is, a movie that has plot holes, so-so acting, cheesy quotes and CGI snakes. It was all intentional, and the movie lived up to every expectation I ever had for it.
Grade: A+

Formatting the Change

Im not sure if anyone is still reading, if so I apologize for the lack of posts for I have been totally into the Tecmo Blog right now. I am going to make this blog about entertainment, TV and my life but its summer and nothing interesting happens on all three fronts. I promise I will update real soon once something interesting happens. I mean I could blog about how I spend all day working the front desk at the art museum today, but who really cares? For now I will leave you with a picture of one awesome dude, a blast from the past: Big Boss Man. Enjoy, I shall return.