I Love College Life

From time to time I like to hit you all with a random story from a random night. Last night, for example, I went to a random party. Well I feel a few things that happened last night needs documentation and since I rarely get a chance to post on this blog this is the best you are gonna get for a while! Last night J to the, Pro and I went to some random party (it was someone Pro knew but for all intent and purposes it was random). I ended up knowing a few people there but that is not relevant to the story. Basically the night can be broken down into three awesome stories:

• At the party was a video game called Guitar Hero. It is pretty popular, for those who don't know the controllers are guitars and you actually "play" to the music by pressing corresponding buttons on the guitar and what not. The game is a favorite of Detroit Tigers pitcher Joel Zumaya. So I decided to give the game a try, jamming out to "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns and Roses. After a horrible start because I had no fucking clue what I was doing, I came on strong. So strong in fact I broke the game. The game froze. I said it was because I was so damn good, J to the claimed it was because "I was horrible" (actually it was because the game glitches on Sweet Child of Mine). Shortly after that some random girl arrived, championing her Guitar Hero skills developed from playing it at a Wal Mart one day. I naturally told her I would destroy her heads up (there is a heads up feature in the game) and I proceeded to. At one point I guess I accidentally paused the game during a key moment in her guitar rifting, in which she called me a cheater for pressing the start button. To which I replied "I didn't know guitars had start buttons." Good times. Either way I dominated her the first song, she then demanded a rematch. I chose "Freebird" forgetting the song is about 9 hours long. After a marathon session in which I beat her by about 20,000 points (a major ass kicking) I dropped the guitar and said "I told you once you son of a gun, I'm the best there ever was" (that was quoting Charlie Daniels in 'The Devil Goes Down to Georgia, and I actually didn't say that. Sadly I am not that awesome).
• Story number two of the night comes a few hours later when we are trying to figure out how we are going to get a ride home. Pro keeps promising to find us a ride, but in fact he is just bullshitting us and totally planning on passing out at the house. J to the steals an energy drink from fridge and says "I'll pound this energy drink, and then I'll walk home" (we are about 4 miles away from our house and its about 45 degrees outside, that ain't happening.) Shortly after this I get a phone call from the Large and I think to myself "maybe the Large can give us a ride home." However he is in Tuscon, super hammered and just keeps repeating "chea, chea chea, chea" before hanging up. There went that plan. Don't worry we got home safe and sound.
• When we finally got home and woofed down some random Mexican food we picked up on the way home, Pro suddenly darts outside onto the back patio. J to the and I both assume he is puking. When comes back in I ask him if he puked, but Pro responds "no, I was just recalibrating". What does this mean? We have no idea. We don't believe him. Pro repeats, "I didn't puke, I was just recalibrating." To which J to the responds, "Are you a fucking joystick?" Maybe the greatest response to anything ever. When I asked Pro about this today, he had no recollection of this conversation (actually his exact words were, WTF is recalibrating)

Those three stories made it one hell of a night. I knew there was a reason I stayed in college.

Enough With Health Foods!

I was walking across campus today accompanied by the sounds of my stomach rumbling and decide to stop and get some lunch, sadly my lunch was a bag of Ruffles I got out of the vending machine. On the bag was a label that proudly read: "made with 100% real sunflower juice". What the hell does that mean? Even worse this kind of stuff is everywhere! Countless snack foods are littered with the phrase "0 grams Trans fat". Of course look at the nutrition facts on these foods and they still have high amounts of fat and cholesterol, but hey there is no Trans fat! It does not matter what you eat today anyway, everything is bad. Unless you grow it and cook it organically without any flavor the food you are eating is probably bad for you, or so it seems. I go by the simple slogan, the less taste the healthier it is. What about Michelob Ultra? Apparently it is a low carb beer that people think they can binge drink on and not get a beer gut. Do not get me started on carbs, my rant would grow to long. I blame all of this stuff on Subway. Subway started running adds (earlier this century) about how much healthier they were then some stores. They said they were much healthier than McDonalds, then proceeded to prove their point by matching up their healthiest sub (some no taste sub with no cheese or any goodies on it) to McDonald's most unhealthy menu item, the Big Mac. Never mind McDonalds has a number of menu items comparable to Subway's taste free healthy sub, but Subway also has a number of menu items comparable to McDonalds cholesterol filled Big Mac. But McDonalds is the bad guy? I just miss when someone used to tell me what to eat and made all my meals, that was an easier day. I did not make any decisions. In fact I want that back, I think I am going to hire a cook. Anyone out there want to work for low wages making me food every day?