Sunday, July 09, 2006

The Worst Movie of All Time

There have been many bad movies made over the course of our lifetime and picking the worst one of them all is pretty impossible. However, I think I can safely say I found it. After flipping around channels on HBO the other day I somehow settled on Batman and Robin, only because I had to see if it was as bad as I remembered when I saw it in the theaters back before my days in high school.
Let me give some Batman background first, by the time this movie came out Joel Schumacher was directing it he had been given the reigns of the franchise from Tim Burton. He did Batman Forever, which was not that bad, but a far cry from the first two Batmen. Secondly at this point in time the Batman movies were the thing to do, the franchise could pretty much get any actor they wanted because the film was guaranteed a huge payday. The studio spent an incredible amount of money on this movie and had at the time what they considered to be an all star cast, George Clooney, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma Thurman, Chris O’Donnell and Alicia Silverstone.
Now there are usually types of bad movies. There are movies that are comically bad, movies that are boring (but maybe well done) and movies that just reek. Then there was Batman and Robin. This movie got a 13% on Rottentomatoes.com fresh meter, with only six good reviews. The titles of these “good reviews” are along the lines of “No one liked this but I did,” and “Uma Thurman was good”. Let me describe the first scene, we see Batman and Robin putting on their suits and we are treated to close-ups of their asses and nipple regions (suits complete with nipples) you know right then that the movie is going to be awful. I watched the first five minutes and cringed, I turned it on about an hour later watched for five minutes and cringed. I don’t ever recall a movie that made you cringe the whole time, the movie makes the viewer feel bad about life in general. I seriously felt ill sitting there watching it, I felt ashamed for some reason. The movie is so corny. Everyone one of Arnold’s lines (he plays Mr. Freeze) is along the lines of “that’s cold”, “chill out”, “revenge is a dish best served cold”, “talk about a cold shoulder.”
I’ve also never witness a movie where EVERY actor/actress mailed their performance in. No one even tried to put any effort into the movie, its actually pretty sad. You want further proof that this movie was horrible? Look what it did to the careers of the people involved in it.
The movie was released in 1997
Arnold- Did two so-so movies in 5 years after doing 8 the previous 5 years.
Chris O’Donnell- Remember Vertical Limit? That was in 2000 and it was also the last time anyone heard from him.
Alicia Silverstone- This movie ended her career, literally.
Joel Schumacher- Phone Booth, that’s the only movie I’ve ever heard of that he has directed since.

Only George Clooney and Uma Thurman escaped somewhat unscarred. At the time these people were big names in Hollywood, their careers had a collective atom bomb dropped on them. It also managed to kill an extremely popular franchise for 8 years until Batman Begins washed the bad taste out of our mouths. Has any movie ever been this bad? Has any movie ever ended so many careers? Has any movie ever made you feel physically ill after it? I give you Batman and Robin, the worst movie of all time.

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