My Life

I give to you, the prospective reader, a day in my life. I’ll take you behind the scenes and show you what really goes on. Well all these things don’t happen in the same day all the time; they always reoccur every week it seems like.

10 am- I wake up, hop in the shower, spread some bagel on my cream cheese (seriously) and read various sports pages from across the country.

11 am- I’m done eating, done waking up now its time for me to play Madden for the next few hours.

2:30pm- I break from Madden to watch PTI, only to find golf has preempted it.

2:35pm- I decide to try and take out the trash, which is so overflowing that it is a self-sustaining entity now.

3:30pm- I somehow succeed in taking out the trash.

4pm- My roommate Justin wakes up and takes a shower, ironically at the exact moment I was going to use the bathroom (we only have one bathroom).

5pm- Matt enters the apartment and greets us with an “ahoy ahoy”.

5:30pm- Matt, Justin and I debate on where to get food. Matt votes quiznos, Justin votes for “America’s Drive Through” (he is referring to Sonic) my suggestion gets shot down instantly.

6pm- After a solid half hour of debating we have decided on KFC. As we arrive I try and decide what type of “snackers” I should get. Justin tells me to get a 20 piece bucket all to myself.

6:05pm- I order first, getting two regular snackers and two buffalo ones. Then I proceed to stand in front of the soda fountain trying to decide between Pepsi, Dr. Pepper or Root Beer.

6:10pm- Justin and Matt finish making their orders; I am still trying to make my soda decision.

6:15pm- Everyone’s orders are up, Matt decides to make my soda decision for me (root beer) because my indecisiveness will keep us there all night long.

6:30pm- We are back at the apartment, finished eating and Matt and Justin are playing Madden. I am banging my head against the wall (just kidding).

7pm- Justin tells me to call “Easy E” (our friend Eric) and tell him to come entertain us (he lives in the same complex). I get his voice mail which states, and I quote, “you have reached the Mongoose”. I tell Justin I got his machine, we both assume he is WOWing (playing World of Warcraft online).

7:30pm- Easy E enters the apartment with a six pack of beer, saying “yo, yo, yo” pointing at all of us reciting our nicknames. He then asks if there is any Bruce Willis on.

7:35pm- Matt leaves

8pm- The Girl Next Door comes on HBO and Easy E, Justin and I quote every single line of the movie.

8:30pm- Ed comes barreling through the door and asks us what is going down tonight. We decide to call Bjorn.

9:30pm- Bjorn enters the apartment and asks us “What’s really good?” We hear word of a party from one of our friends and decide to go.

10pm- We arrive at the party, but its just 4 guys playing beer pong. People are too loose with the word party nowadays. If it’s under 20 people, it’s not a party. If the guy to girl ratio is above 2 to 1 then it’s not a party. Having a keg does not a party make.

10:10pm- We get a call from Armando who tells us all the Tempe 12 girls are at his house. (The Tempe 12 is the officially recognized twelve hottest ASU students. They made a calendar. Some of them are overrated). We decide to go over to Mondo’s, which interrupts Bjorn’s intense game of beer pong. “Just one more game Doggy” He says.

10:30pm- We arrive at Mondo’s but no Tempe 12 to be seen. Mondo tells us they just left, but there are some fat sorority girls still chillin. Ed proclaims he will not “lower his standards tonight” and we decide to leave.

11pm- We arrive on Mill Avenue and go to the bars. We go to the Tavern and decide to wait in the long line to get in.

11:10pm- As we wait in line we see girls exiting, Easy E keeps saying to them “you’re leaving? But I just got here.”

11:15pm- We finally enter but can barley move due to the mass of people. Ed proclaims “this bar sucks.”

11:16pm- The Who’s Teenage Westland plays over the sound system; Ed proclaims “I love this bar!”

12am- We find our way onto the dance floor. I do the only dance move you ever need to do (the “count it”) over and over for about 40 straight minutes. The ladies love it, but soon get bored of it.

12:20am- Bjorn and Easy E start talking to some girls. Easy E starts to talk about when he went to Texas for a Quake tournament. He realizes his error and stops himself before critical damage had been done. Bjorn tells him he is “wild homo doggy.”

12:30am- A drunk Ed proclaims “I am lowering my standards”.

1am- Justin convinces us all to go to Denny’s when we leave the bar, we agree and he unleashes a very load “BOOM!” complete with Tiger Woods like fist pump. He is drunk by the way too and always louder when drunk.

1:10am- Random text messaging is in full force.

1:30am- Just when you think Ed has his girl for the night, he gets brutally cock blocked and we decide to bounce.

1:35am- Ed has had so much beer tonight he keeps saying he is “the Large” over and over again.

1:40am- On the drive back we decide not to go to Denny’s, this leaves Justin devastated. Bjorn wants to get more beer, Easy E is almost down for the count.

1:45am- In the parking lot of the apartment complex we see a hot girl. Ed goes from pretty much passed out to peak attentiveness and proclaims, once again, he is “the Large”.

2am- I turn in

7am- Bjorn and Justin turn in after hours of video gaming and poker talk. No one really knows what became of Easy E.


There you have it, my life in a nutshell. I must say, I love every second of it.