Aaron's Iron Laws of Partying

I will be leaving the wonderful world of college in a few months since I graduate in December, so as my gift to all current and soon to be college students I give you Aaron’s Iron Laws of Partying. Two quick notes, I am maybe the last person on Earth to be giving party laws but I am going to anyway and I call them Iron Laws because people will pay more attention to them. So here we go. Also important note this is from a guy’s perspective.

Iron Law #1: A Keg Does Not Make a Party

How many times has a friend called you up and told you he was at a party, so you decide to leave your perfectly comfortable living space, stop watching that great TV show you were watching, figure out what clothes to wear and drive all the way to this “party” only to find out its six dudes playing beer pong near a keg. Just because you have your friends over and have a keg that does not mean it’s a party nor gives you the right to call it a party.

Iron Law #2: Classify Your Party

Teenagers got something right, they classify their parties. It’s a party or a kickback. These are two terms are closely related but shed a huge amount of light on what you are actually doing. A party is 20 people or more, a kickback is less then that. But we don’t call it kickbacks because we are not teenage girls so instead we say “chillin” or as the Cottonwood House made famous a “box social”. So if you have a keg and 10 people, you are chillin’ with your friends NOT throwing a party. Okay? Good.

Iron Law #3: Guy to Girl Ratio

There is really only one statistic you can use when trying to figure out if a party is good and that is guy to girl ratio. If the ratio is over 2:1 (and that’s the absolute maximum) you do not have a party. What you have is what is referred to as a sausage fest and no one wants to go to a sausage fest.

Iron Law #4: Entertainment Must be Provided

A keg is all the entertainment I need but you can’t call yourself a party without any of these three things: cards, a card table and a beer pong table. You may be able to get away without one, but without all three and your party’s classification changes to a chillin’ (unless it is really big).

Iron Law #5: Forgive and Forget

Sometimes it’s just not happening. Your friend tells you there is going to be a party so you go. The party has all the elements, a keg, peer pong table and drinking games. However there are about 10 guys to every girl and only 20 people there. Sometimes people have the best intentions but their parties can’t get off the ground, it’s not their fault it was just a bad night to be partying.

There you go, 5 Iron Laws of partying from someone who has thrown one party in his life and ended up ditching his own party to go to the neighbor’s party. But hey, one could say I have observed the masters of the Old Cottonwood house for three great years.