Take Me Out to the Ball Game

I’m still alive, which is good for you all. I had a 25 page research paper to write this week and it took every ounce of energy I had. I must have taken me about an hour to write a page, so I probably spent about a good day’s worth of time on the paper (okay I might be exaggerating. Check that I am exaggerating.). I think I have carpal-tunnel syndrome. Anyway I finished so now I have time to do my baseball preview, which really is just random thoughts and me breaking down the Diamondbacks upcoming season.

This spring has signaled an end of an era for the Diamondbacks. They have traded, cut and demoted the trio of Alex Cintron, Luis Terrero and Scotty Hairston. Why am I sad? Because they were good? No that’s not the reason, when they all got regular playing time together the team lost 111 games. They weren’t good but they were damn funny, and while we are in the current limbo zone of Dbacks baseball, they have kept things interesting. Let me give you the career highlights of these gentlemen:

Alex Cintron:

• Committed huge base running error in game 2 of the 2002 NLDS vs the Cardinals that pretty much cost the Dbacks that series.
• Once committed two straight errors in a row on balls hit to the exact same spot on the infield. Made enough boneheaded defensive plays to almost kill Thom Brennaman during the 2004 season.
• At one point during the 2005 season Shawn Green had an 11 pitch at bat in which he drew a walk. Cintron came up after him to which Thom B stated, “This will not be an eleven pitch at bat.” Cintron proceeds to record an out after two pitches.
• Came out of nowhere to become an offensive force at the SS position when the D-Backs had no offense in 2003. Hit .317 and almost led the Dbacks back into the playoffs. Will now classify that year as a fluke.
• Just a goofy dude, who never took to many pitches and who’s head was not always in the game. I’m about 1000% sure he will make an awesome play in the postseason during the White Sox drive to another World Series.

Luis Terrero

• Touted for years as the D-Backs best prospect, a player with 5 tool potential. While he was the dbacks best prospect, it was basically because their farm system was so horrible.
• Once hit a homerun in a minor league game, rounded the bases then kissed home plate and was suspended by the Dbacks. In his first game back from suspension he got ejected.
• Was called up in 2004 and brought horrendous defense, inconsistent hitting and overall awesomely bad play to the dbacks. Had a strong arm but often thought he was to good to throw to the cut off man, this led to hilarious results.
• Was basically hitting in the middle of the order on that horrible Dbacks team.
• In 2005 hit a bloop single and tried to stretch it into a double for some reason, wounded up making it after the outfielder made a bad throw. When he got up from his slide his entire jersey was unbuttoned and Thom B was super pumped. (My personal favorite Terrero moment.)

Scott Hairston

• Hands down the most entertaining baseball player of my lifetime. Was billed as the next Jeff Kent, by his brother Jerry Hairston Jr.
• Spent all day in the weight room, which made Thom B comment on how strong he was every time he had an extra base hit.
• Due to his “strength” this led to countless push up jokes between J to the Ustin and I over the past two years.
• Dbacks hit him lead off for most of the 2004 season. Even though he stated in the newspaper that he didn’t “believe in taking pitches.”
• Was moved to the OF because he might have been the worst defensive second basemen this side of Alfonso Soriano.

Sadly the Dbacks accumulation of actual good stud prospects caused the Diamondbacks to get rid of all three. Although Hairston is still in the organization, there is no way he ever gets to the big leagues again. Honestly though the Diamondbacks have a shitload of great hitting prospects coming there way in the next few years and the money to spend on free agent pitchers this offseason. The future looks pretty darn good. But we need to talk about the present. So here is my Diamondbacks preview (for the players that matter):

1B Conor Jackson

Best Case Scenario: Hits .330-25-100, draws over 100 walks and Billy Beane calls the Dbacks about him so much that Josh Byrnes changes his phone number.

What will happen: Will hit about .275 with a good OBP because he has a great eye for a young hitter. Will probably drive in about 50-60 and hit about 10-15 homers while platooning with Tony Clark.

1B Tony Clark

BCS: Repeats last year’s numbers, remains the same force off the bench and in late inning games that he was last year. Continues to get clutch hits. Basically the year he had last year was the BCS for 2005 and would be the BCS for 2006.

What will happen: Will fall back to earth, but just a little. Will continue to get clutch hits and produce in his starts. I say somewhere along the lines of .290-25-70.

2B Orlando Hudson

BCS: Wins Gold Glove while becoming a more consistent hitter. Stays in the number two hole all year and maybe steals a few more bases.

What will happen: Will most likely win a gold glove, I could see him struggling at the plate. I say .265 with 11 homers.

SS Craig Counsel

BCS: Steals 30 bases while hitting over .300 while playing solid defense while continuing to get on base and be a disruptive lead off hitter.

What will happen: His age will catch up to him some more, but he will still have a decent year. Will be a defensive asset.

3B Chad Tracy

BCS: Wins batting title while hitting 30 homers and drastically improving his 3B defense.

What will happen: Will hit .300 again with about 25 homers, will be the dbacks most feared hitter and will improve his defense at 3B. Could be the Dbacks lone All-Star.

LF Luis Gonzalez

BCS: Is fully healthy, so he hits over .300 with 30 homers and looks like the Gonzo of old (the 1999-2003 gonzo minus his 57 homer year) if he can do that the Dbacks lineup gets pretty darn good.

What will happen: Numbers will reflect last year, about .270-25-70.

RF Shawn Green

BCS: Returns to his mid 2000 form at Chase Field and crushes the ball and ups his RBI total to over 100 while playing above average RF defense and maybe stealing a few bags?

What will happen: Will get off to a slow start, and the public will clamor for Carlos Queintin to take over in RF. Will get hot for a few months to make his overall season look better than it was.

CF Eric Byrnes

BCS: Returns to 2004 from were he hit leadoff for the As and hit 20 homers while going all out on defense and becomes an overall disruptive force.

What will happen: I don’t know what Eric Byrnes will show up, the one of 04 or the one of last year who hit below .200. What I do know is that he will go balls to the wall every night and wont stay quiet if the dbacks start half assing it and not play with emotion.

OF Jeff Davanon

BCS: gets cut and the dbacks resign Terrero.

What will happen: Will hit about .230 and I wont like him.

C Johnny Estrada

BCS: Returns to 2004 form where he hit over .300 and drove in 71 runs.

What will happen: Will rebound from his Erstad induced mental block last year to be a better hitter than Chris Snyder. That’s not saying much, I think I can hit better than him.

SP Brandon Webb

BCS: The sinker is on all year, and Counsell and Hudson are there to turn countless double plays. His ERA is sub 3 and he wins 17-20 games.

What will happen: His sinker will be solid as will the infield defense. Wins 15 games with an ERA in the low 3s.

SP El Duque

BCS: Pitches every game thinking it’s a playoff game.

What will happen: Will pitch okay at times and get traded by July 31 to a team that can use his Robert Horry like playoff abilities.

SP Miguel Batista

BCS: Continues to play like the Miguel Batista we know and love while staying healthy. Wins 12-15 games with a mid 3 era.

What will happen: Will probably spend time in the bullpen at some point. My guess is he ends up with about 8 wins and a few saves with a 4 era.

SP Russ Ortiz

BCS: Gets traded to Petco Park where its hard to tee off on his pitching. Or gets reunited with his former Braves pitching coach in Baltimore.

What will happen: His stuff will suffer at the Chase, will go about 7-12 with a 5 era.

SP Claudio Vargas.

BCS: Continues to be the diamond in the rough he was last year, but gets run support this year. Wins about 16 games with a mid 3 era.

What will happen: At some point in the year will accidentally touch Miguel Batista and since they have the same DNA the universe will die. If for some odd reason everyone survives, he will win 10 games with a 4.25 era.

CL Jose Valverde

BCS: Becomes a dominate closer with a lot of “machismo” (Thom B Quote). Strikes out a ton, era is in low 2s and saves 40 games.

What will happen: Will have good points and bads, but overall he will be solid and save 30 games.

RP Casey Daigle

BCS: He makes the team somehow

What will happen if he makes the team: I will make countless Jenny Finch jokes and his era will be infinite.

There you have it, I will bring you my random thoughts on the Diamondbacks all year.